The title of this post is the obvious reason for my long blogging absence. If my mom is reading this, she's probably a bit confused. I've stated with my typical fervor many times in the past month that I was "DONE BLOGGING!!" So, why the change of heart? Well, the answer is the same to most of my questions recently, "I don't know."
If I'm being 100% honest, though, I do know. This group of friends has become something of a prayer anchor for many of us, me included. Seeing the response from people who just saw the requests from JoEllen and many others has been overwhelming. So, for this reason, and hopefully as time goes by, many other reasons, I will continue to post my thoughts.
To say our life has changed since Jan. 18 would be the grossest of understatements. How does one even begin to understand the implications of what has happened to our family? Simply, you don't. Each hour is taken as a new step, and moving anywhere past the next hour is impossible. Seeing my sister and husband's emotions during this time has been nothing short of heartwrenching. Yesterday Shelly was having a stressful morning and I said,"What can I do to help?" Without taking a breath she answered, "Make everthing like it was before January 18th. Oh, you can't. So...I guess nothing." I don't say this to make any of you think my sister isn't coping...she is- in the most admirable of fashions...but there are some very overwhelming times.
Over the past weeks I've felt confused, angry, beat up, tired, stressed, overwhelmed, happy, thankful, confused (oh...I said that already) and so on. I've found myself negative and cynical and unable to get away from myself. So on Friday on adive from my wise mother, I went out and bought Avalon's recording of hymns. They redid "Total Praise", and song based on Ps. 121. To say this opened my eyes would once again be a gross understatement. At the foundation of life is THIS- "YOUR peace you give me, in time of the storm...". Without the wisdom to look upward to Jesus, I will continue to feel cynical, negative and confused. Please pray that I am able to let Him chip away the hardness of my heart and let Him soften me.
I KNOW that you are continuing to hold up Josh, Shelly, Noah, Zoe and Ephram in your prayers. Please continue to do so through the next days, months and years as life will continue to be complicated and somewhat uncertain. We are daily seeing the power of your prayers and are overwhelmed by the love of SO MANY people!! I've attached a few pictures, since I'm incapable of posting without something visual. The photos are of the kids sledding before Josh's accident; our house during a snow storm after returning from Miami, and Zeke hiding in the fort he made in the living room today. Enjoy!! P.S.- Little man Zeke is FINALLY potty trained!!! (We think.....:-)
19 comments:
Holly-We are in continual prayer for your entire family...I cannot even begin to imagine all the questions and emotions that flood your mind and heart everyday. I do however know what it means to pray for the softening of my heart. I will pray for yours as well. You, and your beloved family, are so loved. We will hope for you when it feels hopeless and believe for you when the confusion is overwhelming. We love you...
Heather
Holly- We have set in wonder as we have watched as again you and your family are faced with another heart wrenching event. I have cried as I have wondered if I were Josh what would I do... what would I feel.
I have shared this website with many of my co-workers and watched as they have been touced by Josh's story and they way they are letting God work through all of this.
I am so sorry that you all have to endure this but know that we are praying for all of you and especially that Josh can have peace and healing. We love you all!
I am glad that you decided to continue blogging. We have missed your presence and your thoughts in blogland. Like John, I have shared the story with so many and so many have been touched by your strength as well as your human weakness during this time. We have all prayed when you couldn't or didn't feel like it. We love you and we are praying today for you and your family.
Love you,
Kim
I love you, Holly! I'm glad you didn't leave us for good here in blogland. You write so expressively. I smiled at the pictures, I cried at your words. Guess you hit me in every area today. I am continuing to pray.
I Love you! I'm working on this week! I'll keep you updated on the "progress!"
Just know that your entire family..Bucks, Grates..etc. are always included in all our prayers!
Sue Simpson
Good to see your blog. We are all praying and know that God's plan it a great one.
The kids look cute as always and zeke's fort could be in architechture elite'.
Love
Carolyn
Holly,
You don't know me... but after the past 4 weeks or so... I now feel like I have known your family for a long time. I went to school with Josh and Shelly and then heard of the accident through JoEllen. I have since been changed; my prayer life altered... (not that I pretend to truly understand the depths of what you all are going through with all that has happened). As I poured through blogs learning more and more about Josh and Shelly... I came to know about Ava. Suddenly in a small way - I could relate to the anger and confusion. My son Ricky passed away at the age of one... and suddenly I found myself terrified that maybe there was more pain in life yet to come. If God could allow Ava to die so tragically... and then allow an accident such as Josh's... what more?
While I trust and am thankful that our God remains faithful... remains present... I don't need to tell you how difficult it often can be. I just want to thank you for opening yourself up and letting us into your world. While I would selfishly would trade every human soul that my son's death positively impacted to have him here in my arms... there is peace in knowing that God never stops using our circumstances to glorify Himself.
While it hardly seems adequate, I am praying hard for you all...
God Bless... Meghan Johnson
www.littlemanricky.com
Oh sure, now Zeke is potty trained. :) Looking at that fort in the living room brought back some memories. :)
Glad you haven't hung up on the blog entirely. Good to hear from you. I've been praying much for all of you.
Holly, it was great to hear from you. We are still praying and will continue to do so. You and your family deserve some happiness. Savor this time with your kids.
Holly, I just don't understand it...but even if it sounds cliche, believe it: GOD HAS A PLAN. HE IS IN CONTROL. Already, Josh has done so well. I can't tell you what this has done for me and my prayer life. I don't think I can express it in words that would do it justice. Just know that God has used this to strengthen me and I imagine, He has used it or IS using it to strengthen you and your Christian family. My entire church continues to pray for Josh, even though they don't know him. My mom in Montana is praying for him. It's reaching all over the world. His story is making an impact on many. God bless you, Holly. Your honesty in this post is really touching. I'm glad, personally, that you haven't given up blogging.
Michelle
Zeke's hair looks like his name! It's fantastic.
Loving you guys.
This is the second time around for commenting. My first one got lost in the shuffle. I was so happy to see that you had posted a new blog. It was a long dry spell. I loved the pictures of the kids. I miss them so much. You and Jay too!! :) You are all in our prayers and thoughts 24/7 and can't wait to see you!! We love you so much!!
Mom & Dad Grate
Holly- it is good to hear from you. I don't have any great words of wisdom or comfort other then to say, you guys are and will continue to be in my prayers!!
Love- Holly
It's so good to see you back in BlogWorld. Your family has been on my mind constantly, and I've been learning so much about having a constant attitude of prayer through this situation. I'm still pleading with God for total healing for Josh, but also for all of you who are coming alongisde him. You are so loved!
Oh Holly-
I am so glad you didn't give up on your blog! I hope you can post your thoughts and concerns here. When we were going through all of our ups and downs, I found that our blog became a source of strength...all the comments and prayers from people all of the world, people I never even knew were posting comments. It's been amazing. I hope you realize how much we are all pulling for you and your family (and also for Church). We are praying and fighting along with you.
Love ya!!! Stay Strong, my friend!
JoEllen
Thank you for being vulnerable and transparent with a window into some of what you are feeling. My husband and I are from IWU and I attended Lakeview my whole life. I too am attempting to learn what "pray continually" means through you and your family. Know that you and your family are being held to Jesus by people ALL over the world! Praying for miracles!
Holly,
Thank you for your prayers and encouragement! Jason and Em and I pray for Josh and Shelly and Noah and Zoe all the time! And, "the baby in Miss Shelly's belly". We'll be praying for you, too, as I have sisters and Jason has two sisters and a brother, and I know they miss Noah, just as you miss Ava and you grieve what your sister and her husband are going through. I pray for strength and hope, peace beyond comprehension and grace that is mighty to face each new day! The devil gets no glory! You guys are an amazing family and we continue to stand by you, even in cyberville!
Adrienne
I don't know you but please know that your family is in my prayers. Peace and courage to you and yours...
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