Ava's 1st Birthday in Heaven

What to write on a day like today? I can say with all certainty that contrasts have never been sharper than they were tonight. A year ago we were all together at the hospital in Kalamazoo holding a sweet new baby girl. Today we were all together again, but without her. We decided to make her birthday as celebratory as possible; something the kids would always look forward to; a day to remember her life and the joy she brought even if for a short time. As hard as it was to put a smile on my face (I did my crying alone in the car), I think we did the right thing as each moment seemed special and symbolic.
The first thing we did was plant a magnolia tree in my parents front yard that was quickly dubbed "the Ava tree". It was so sweet to see the kids wanting so much to take part in planting her tree. In contrast, I had a quick flash of anger wondering why we were all standing around a tree and not a growing little girl...





We then took a 5 car caravan to the cemetery that was eerily similar to the one we took on Aug. 4th (the day of her memorial service). We all got out of the car and once again commented on how the wind was blowing. It seems that every time we visit her grave, there is a strong wind. I truly believe this is God showing his mercy to Shelly as she always says she feels closer to her when the wind is blowing. We each took a balloon and let them "fly up to Ava". It was just beautiful watching all those balloons rise higher and higher. But as Zeke waved bye-bye to his balloon I just kept feeling like I didn't want to say goodbye to her, even yet. In the pictures below you can also see some of the presents we left for her; a birthday balloon, some flowers from Cindy's garden, a pinwheel from Noah and Zoe...



It was getting pretty chilly with the wind blowing so hard, so we took the cake and ice cream back to my parents house. Shelly had made a sweet little pink cake and each kid took a turn blowing out her one candle. Once again, a sweet symbolic moment tinged with heartbreak that she couldn't blow it out herself. We also sang a rousing rendition of "Happy Birthday" with little Noah singing so loud the veins in his neck looked about ready to burst!
Then it was on to Chuck E. Cheese for dinner. Shelly wanted to do something that would be fun for the kids and she thought it was something Ava probably would've have really enjoyed. When we were walking in to get our hands stamped the worker said, "Anyone here for a birthday?" I just stood there and stammered. "Well, yeah, I mean, no; nevermind." Ugh... These are the moments I really hate. What should've been said, "Yes, we're here celebrating a birthday, but she's not here with us, she's celebrating in heaven...."???? Yeah, that would've gone over well..
All in all, it was as special a night as it possibly could've been. There were so many wonderful special moments....just being all together as a family the best of all. A couple of days ago Shelly and I and a girlfriend of ours sat around and talked about all the sweet things that were Ava Nicole. A sweet contented spirit, a hearty belly laugh already at 2 months, her mesmerizing effect on any and everyone.... These are the things that as time passes, I pray we NEVER forget...
Ps. 34:18 - "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."