Sorry for the posting delay... I've been trying aimlessly to post pictures of our night out at the Whitecaps game and Blogger absolutely REFUSES to cooperate. Suffice it to say, we took tons of amazing pictures and had ourselves a whale of a time. I'll post the pictures as soon as I can and also give an update on my first week of work. Too tired tonight! (Sorry JoEllen!)

Well, just a quick post before I head off into the wide blue yonder of working womandom. I officially start my job tomorrow morning. This is the first job I've had in MANY years and surprisingly, I'm not yet nervous, just really excited. Thank you God! I'm not naive enough to think this job won't provide some bumps in the road; despite that, I think this job was tailor made for me by the man upstairs. Not only will it be nice to have a few hours to myself each day, I will be doing something I love. Already been practicing Seasons of Love (any Rent fans out there??? Gosh I love musicals.) I am a bit unsure of how I will get myself and two children showered, breakfasted(huh?), and out the door by 7:15.... Any suggestions from those of you experienced in this area? I love my morning cup of joe, but being gone 'til 10:30 means I must couple it with breakfast...YUCK! Any suggestions for a quick, cheap, healthy breakfast? Gee, I'm not asking much am I.
Well, as I leave my precious kids for the first time in 7 1/2 years (well, not really.... you know what I mean...) I thought I'd share a little story about leaving babiedom behind. Jason and I decided a while back that 3 was a great number and we were done having kids. Most of the time I'm thrilled we made this decision and glad we don't have the option of changing our minds (I'll spare you the details.). But last night as I rocked Zeke to sleep I felt my heartbreaking for a stage never to revisited until I become a grandma. He came down the stairs at 11:15 (don't ask!) and my initial reaction was
be frustrated and put him back in bed for the 7th time. But he says with a totally fake sad face, "I'm crying... Mommy...I'm crying!" Oh it was just too much. I sat with him for 20 minutes and rocked and sang and cried. The realization that this was probably the last time I would be able to hold my children like this was just about more than I could bear. The thought also occurred to me as I sat there, that without the grief of losing a precious niece I probably wouldn't cherish these moments as deeply as I do. More than anything I was just deeply thankful to God for finding me a worthy mother to my 3 darling ones.

New Bathroom!

Tried to post these last night with no success. We are LOVING our bathroom and must say my sweet husband is an EXCELLENT ceramic tiler. Thanks so much to my mom and dad for all of the work they did! Sorry I haven't gotten around to putting everyone's links back yet... I'll do it soon I promise!

Unblogworthy...

Just a quick post to say I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. Just not much blogworthy things happening here at the Grate's. Went camping with the church this past weekend. Kids had a blast- Mom, hmmm, not so much... Spent all week redoing our bathroom. It looks AMAZING! Where are the pictures you say?? Yup, too lazy to take one right now as I just finished it about an hour ago. Jason's family will be here tomorrow night until Sun. afternoon. Should be a grate time (wow, can't believe I actually wrote that...). Also wanted to send you all to the church website as it's receiving some really fun changes thanks to ol' Josh Buck. It's not all done yet but you can listen to some sermons, look at pics of our camping trip and watch a really hilarious video of Brad Emerson. Trust me, you're not ready. The address is www.greenhouseministries.org or just click on the address in my sidebar. Have fun!
P.S.- Oops!!! BIG oops. I decided to have a little fun and change the background of our blog. Not so fun. It deleted all my links and I guess I'm not smart enough to know how to put them all back in less than 3 hours. Sorry- they'll be back soon. Any suggestions for a shorter way of doing this without all the annoying computer code???

Veggie stands....and good news!

Thought I'd post some pictures of Elijah and Emmy at their vegetable stand. My dad has been itching to help him sell some produce from his MASSIVE garden and we finally got it together yesterday. Truly, there is nothing more heartwarming than watching your kids sit outside and wait for people to show up... Elijah has been pretty hard core about it, even taking everything from our house to Shelly's this afternoon so as not to miss ONE customer (a.k.a. MONEY!!!). He's made about $11 since yesterday and is already quite the little business man.
Now for the good news... I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!! What, you say? Yes, yes, yes! I'm officially calling it the Miracle of 2006. I know, maybe a slight exaggeration, but really, it's pretty amazing. I've said for years if I could create the perfect job, it would be playing the piano for a church or school with no other responsibilities than to show up and play. (And also make good money doing it.) So today, the pastor's wife from the church we rent our building from called me up. She just took a JH choir job and was in dire need of an accompanist. It's everyday from 7:50 to 10:15 and the kicker is, it's $60 a day- or $300 a week. This is the EXACT amount we said we needed. WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For me this will be a bit of a break and Jay will be able to be at work by 10:30. Not only that, I can hardly wait for it to start. Yup, I'm a choir nerd, I can say it. It's true...
Also, a HUGE thank you to all for your many prayers throughout these past weeks. I won't say it's been easy, but I've felt constantly uplifted by the prayers of friends and loved ones. You ALL mean a lot to us!

Ava Nicole Buck 05/05/05-08/01/05

Well, it's a little before 8 o'clock in the morning here. I've already formed this post in my head and been to the gas station for coffee (no creamer in the house). The rest of my family is peacefully sleeping, but once again, I'm wide awake. So the story has gone much of this week. As most of you know, Tuesday was a year since the death of our precious niece, Ava Nicole. As I was thinking about what I would say in this post I battled with how to say what I was feeling without sounding too morose. Well, I lost the battle. I FEEL morose. For those of you who know me to be the girl to post happy pictures of my 3 kids, beware, today is not that post. My hope is truly not to offend anyone, but in the light of honesty, share what it really feels like to be in this place. Let me begin by sharing what we did this week.
Monday night Jay and I got a babysitter and went to Josh and Shelly's with my mom and dad. It was just a time where we as adults could have some uninterrupted time to talk. The three of us girls spent a long time in the hottub sharing the things that've been the most difficult for us through the past year. My mom and sister have had to deal with the pain of what they saw and heard that day. Without going into much detail, it was very much like something out of a horrible nightmare. But worse - there is never that relief of waking up and saying, "Whew, glad that was just a dream." You DON'T wake up. For me, the hardest thing has been dealing with the days after her death. I can vividly remember laying in bed with my best friend Amanda and crying like I didn't know was humanly possible. There was such a panic in my that our little girl way all by herself in some room in the basement of a hospital. Probably the hardest thing for me has been the remembering the day of her funeral. Just thing about walking into the funeral home makes my heart start to pound. Why should anyone have to see their 3 month old little girl inside a coffin? I can remember kissing her little head over and over and making sure I said "I love you" enough times that she would hear me in heaven. Seeing Josh and my sister at the gravesite that day is something that instantly makes my throat close up. How does a mother ever go on without knowing what her little girl would've looked like, acted like, loved? As the year has progressed the memory that haunts me more than any is putting her in the ground. They took her little coffin out of the van and ask Jason to help put her in the ground. I'll just be honest and say I went stark raving mad. There was just no spot in my heart and mind to deal with it. I cried and screamed until my mom and Jason finally held me and calmed me down. WHY, HOW can this be happening? Is this even real? Sorry, I know this must be hard to read, but people, this IS our reality. These kinds of things happen to the best of people every day.
Ok... on to Tuesday. We all had some breakfast and then met up at Mom and Dad's at noon. Mom had a craft for the kids to do. (Like I've said before, it seems to help the kids to have some real way to express their grief.) We all loaded up then to go to the cemetery. Once again, the wind was blowing. God KNOWS we need a real reminder that he hasn't forgotten us and it seems EVERY time we go to her grave, the wind is blowing. The kids all put their little crafts around her grave and then let some balloons go. Noah and Zoe especially love to let the balloons "Go up to Ava." We took a long walk all around the cemetery and found all the headstones of children. I know, it sounds pretty morbid, but it's cathartic to know you are not the only people (even in little Allendale) to have experienced such tragedy. I think the most astounding thing was seeing the stones of children who'd died up to 70 years ago and someone was still bring fresh flowers to the grave. It's just proof that you NEVER forget, no matter how much time passes.
After this we all went to the beach. This was the best part of the day. We all seem to feel a bit of peace when we're there. The kids had a blast diving into the huge waves (and so did the adults...) At about dinner time we packed up Josh and Shelly and sent them to a B &B in Grand Haven for a night alone. My mom and dad took Noah and Zoe and our little family went back home to Grand Rapids. As we were driving home, I felt just awful. Like, now what? It's been a year, where do we go from here? As we were pulling out of Allendale, I just felt like we were leaving a little more of her behind. It's hard to explain the feeling... I KNOW she's in heaven and is very MUCH not alone, but I still feel as though when we leave that cemetery, we're abandoning her... Irrational, I know, but this is still how I feel.
Well, as the days continue on, I'll admit to not feeling much better. And if I'm feeling like this, how much MORE must my little sister and Josh be feeling? I'm not sure I'll ever know.
In closing, I hope this encourages all who read to continue to pray for our family and not to forget our precious little girl. She is so much a part of us and ALWAYS will be....

Our trip to Dearborn -Day 1

Sorry it's taken so long to post this, but I've put it off for a myriad of reasons. Writing a serious blog being the main reason. I know most of my posts have been a day in the life of our family with a few laughs and tears thrown in here and there. But as we approach August 1st, I find myself feeling generally somber and not always sure how to express what I'm feeling, much less write it down for all the blogging world to see... Let me begin by giving a quick rundown of why we went to Dearborn.
Compassionate Friends is an organization that exists to help families as they grieve the loss of a child. Every year they have two national events. The first is their candle light service, which we participated in this December. The second is the national conference and Walk to Remember. Each year it's held in a different city and just so happened to be in Dearborn this year. Anyone who has lost a child can participate in the conference or take part in the walk.
On Saturday afternoon, the whole family (Bucks, Grates, G&G Syswerda, G&G Buck and Geoffrey) met up at the hotel. We started the afternoon by letting the kids swim for a while. Of course I neglected to take one picture of Emmy swimming for the first time without the help of her swimmies... Then it was out for pizza in downtown Dearborn- can't remember the name of the restaurant but it was fabulous. After dinner it was back to the hotel to celebrate Zoe Marie's 3rd!! birthday. There was boundless noise, chaos and general pandemonium as 14 of us were packed like sardines in my parents hotel room. But, celebrating her birthday was a glimmer of true joy in the midst of much sadness. After cake and ice cream, my mom brought out the t-shirts. The organization provided Walk to Remember t-shirts for the adults, but not for the kids. Not wanting them to be left out, my mom bought each child a plain t-shirt and things they could put on them. It's funny how something so small can mean so much to them. It gave them each a chance to really focus their grief in a good way and they were also able to spend some time talking about Ava and some of their memories of her. After finishing up the t-shirts it was off to bed so we could all be up at the crack of dawn to walk 2.2 miles!
I will post all the pictures of our walk tomorrow as once again it's almost midnight (why do I do this to myself???)

Grand Haven Vacation

What a great vacation! We spent Monday and Tuesday here in Grand Rapids with my oldest friend April (Holloway) Abbonizio and her husband Mike and daughter Audrey. We had a WONDERFUL time with them and did lots of talking late into the night. I mean, isn't that what best friends are for? (April is also pregnant with their second and is due in December!)
Then it was off to the beach! We spent Wed. thru Sat. at my parents trailer on the beach in Grand Haven. We found it quite amusing that we were taking our vacation back in our old hometown. The weather couldn't have been better. My cousin Ryan and his wife Stephanie and their 4 kids were also there for the week and Elijah and their oldest, Braden, really hit it off. It was great to see him having such a great time. We didn't do much but swim and watch the kids ride their bikes and play with the puppy. (Who, incidentally, turned us into some sort of celebrities at the park..."Aww... can we hold him??") We did all the Grand Haven things; Snug Harbor, Pronto Pups, Pier Peddler Ice Cream, walking the boardwalk and the pier.... We also took our annual trip up to Montague to Dog-n-Suds. (A bittersweet trip as Ava was with us last year on our trip there.) Other than a small mishap while trying to dump the poop (sorry, that's what it is!), it was a successful vacation! PS- I will be posting a detailed blog later in the week about our trip to Dearborn for the Walk to Remember. There were so many pictures and things I wanted to share I thought I would save it for a later post (and and earlier time as it's already almost midnight!)
Ezekiel after being attacked by a Superman ice cream cone!
The kids with cousin Braden Stevens.


Audrey being a horse, her favorite thing to do!


April and I on the beach

We have a new puppy!

The title to this blog is proof that God works in mysterious ways. As I stated in my last post, Josh and Shelly got a new Puggle puppy named Tico last week. Well, because of Jay and I's financial situation we told the kids we'd have to hold off getting a dog until Christmas. (They were actually taking it quite well.) A core team member from our church also bought one of the other pups from the same litter as Shelly's. He took Jason out for breakfast yesterday and said he was going to have to pay an astronomical sum of money to keep the puppy in his apartment complex and would we like it? What?? Huh?? You heard me right! 20 minutes later we had an adorable Puggle puppy named Piper (after John Piper.....). He is absolutely the cutest thing. The kids love him and he is great with them. God is good!
I have also posted some pictures of our new deck and sliders that I promised like a month ago! So many people have helped us and I thank you all. It is truly an oasis of peace! Jason and I are spending countless hours in our Adirondack chairs and the kids love eating at the table. Also note the chiminea (sp?). My dad found it at a campsite with a free sign and spruced it up for us. (Don't ya just love Dutch people? I sure do...) Lastly, we will be out of town much of next week camping in my parents trailer at Grand Haven State Park (another surprise blessing!). We will also be in Dearborn next weekend at A Walk to Remember for our little Ava. Please keep our entire family in your prayers next Saturday!

The FAM!

For those of you who don't know, my maiden name is Syswerda. So what, big deal, you say? Well, it is a pretty big deal, at least to me. I come from a heritage that few can boast. Grandpa and Grandma Syswerda (Herm and Lucille) bore 13 children. In this day and age there are very few families like this left. Not only are they all healthy, successful adults, they are all following Christ. There are even FEWER families who can say this! So, last night we had a little (this is a relative term) family get together. When everyone is present (only OUR family) there are right around 90 people. HOLY COW!!! Every time someone gets married and comes to the first few get togethers it's always funny to see them try to remember everyone's name. Yeah, pretty much impossible! Anywho...my Uncle Rog and Aunt Joan's 4 kids and their kids were all in town this weekend. This is quite a fete considering they live in Chicago, NY city, South Carolina, and Upland, IN. Good reason to throw a party! It was a wonderful time with people we love and let me tell you, never a dull moment. Imagine at least 50 people as loud (or louder) than me in one space. I remember the first time Jay walked into our Christmas party...He opened the doors and the sound practically blew him over. He looked at me like "Wow, you weren't kidding...". It truly is an amazing thing to be a part of and such an original family who are also close friends, prayer warriors, and just a great support network! I took some pictures throughout the night, none of which turned out very great, but oh well! Try getting 12 kids under 7 to sit for a picture! All 12 kids (13 counting our little Ava Nicole) are grandchildren of my parents and Uncle Rog and Joan. Wow!
Attached are some pics from our evening with some pretty lengthy descriptions!



From left to right: My uncle Rog, my mom in the background, my cousin Eric(Rog's youngest son), my aunt Karel (the youngest of the 13), and my cousin Mark's (Rog and Joan's middle son) wife Kelley.
Shannon (Eric's wife) is on the left with Ethan, Micah, Zeke and Thane eating at the picnic table.
What a bunch of cuties!
A crazy picture of all 12 kids!
From left to right: Owen, Madison, Micah, Zeke, Thane, Zoe, Emmy, Ethan, Brooke, Paige, Elijah, and Noah. WHEW!!
The girls holding Josh and Shelly's new puppy Tico (anyone watch Dora??).

The four of us at my cousing Niecia's wedding last weekend.




Thought I'd post some pictures of the adults for a change. Shocker! These were taken last weekend at the wedding reception of my cousing Niecia. It was a beautiful wedding and a great night out with the four of us. We've spent the majority of this week doing more finishing work on the new sliding door which should be 100% finished by this week. I'll be sure to post some pictures when it is. Let me just take this moment to say that my husband completely embodies the description "jack of all trades". Not only does he sing like an angel (i.e. this morning at SLWC singing "There is none like you" I told him afterwards that when he sings that like that I'm not thinking about Jesus.. TMI?); play the guitar, piano and drums like nobody's business; preach the paint off the walls every Sun. night; he can also drywall, tile, roof and just generally be our very own handyman. What can I say? I married the man of my dreams. Yes, 'tis true!
This last picture is just too funny NOT to post. What is it you say? Jay's best friend Micah came over a couple of nights ago. Let me tell ya, when these boys get together, get out of the way. Micah decided it would be a great adventure to take Zeke's Little Tikes car for a ride in the lawn at 1 in the morning. Problem, he got stuck. I'm not kidding. TRULY, stuck. I'm not sure I've ever laughed so hard.
On a bit more serious note, please keep our family in your prayers this week. Jason will be scouring all of Grand Rapids for a full time job, seeing that we CANNOT find a part time one that will bring in enough money. This will be a pretty big step for us, and we NEED to find a job soon as our paycheck from the church will be much smaller in 2 weeks!!! Love to you all!

It's a miracle!

WOW! This definately takes the cake for longest blog dry spell. A heartfelt "sorry" to all the faithful readers. Truth be told, the only real reason for my lack of posting - laziness! The digital camera batteries died and I was just to lazy to charge them. Pretty sorry, I know. Not that we've had a lack of activity here in the Grate household. Since my last entry, we've managed to build a new deck, landscaped the backyard, and put in a new sliding door in place of the old window off of our dining room. Whew! We've had an AMAZING amount of help. Thank you Dad, Jordan, Jonathan, and Jon! When it's all totally finished, I'll be sure to post some pictures. It really is quite amazing! We love our deck and backyard more than any place we've lived, hands down.
Well, onto less exhausting subjects.... It's officially summer break here. It really is a relief not to be living in my car taking kids to and from school. They've even blessed me with a couple of very late mornings; not getting up 'til 9:30! Ahh..... We've already spent one day at the beach, been down to Marion, OH to see the fam, and been spending LOTS of time in Josh and Shelly's hot tub. Today we spent the day at my mom and dad's to stay out of Jay's way as he was putting in the slider. Emmy, Zoe and my Mom had a girls day out today and attached is a picture of them with their Build-a-Bears. My mom is holding the one they made for Ava, since she would've been a big part of their girls day. They also each brought home a pink balloon and let them go "to her". Emmy's got stuck in a tree (of course!) and she said, "It's OK, she can see it. She's knows it for her." Funny how big a part of every moment she really TRULY is. All the kids have such an uncanny ability to recognize the things she's missing from.
Well, I've attached a bunch of pictures from our day today- hope you enjoy them!

Ezekiel tramped around in "Fwapa's" boots for like and hour. HILARIOUS!










Fun in the sprinkler!






















My tattoo- Ps. 34:18- "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."






A mommy and her boy.






Grandma and her girls.

My take on American Idol...

Well, after commenting on everyone and their brothers blogs about my varied opinions, I thought it only appropriate I should post my thoughts on my own blog. Beware!! I am PASSIONATE (to a fault!) about this,so take it all with a grain of salt. (Or don't...)
First- Taylor. I understand his appeal, but personally, he just grates on my nerves. I don't think his voice was ANYTHING to write home about, especially when compared to talents like Katherine, Mandisa, Paris, etc. etc. I think Kat had BY FAR the best voice, but her camera schmoozing was more than I could stand. Just annoying! I will definately buy her music, though, not Taylor's. Dan and Angie, I'm totally with you on this one!!!
Now my take on the two finale shows. The two new songs were just regrettable. Too awful to believe an actual SONGWRITER attached his/her name to it. I really think it was a true injustice for Kat to have to sing that- it was definately the nail in her coffin! The results show last night was just inexcusable!!! AWFUL, HORRIBLE, I HATED IT! Ok, there, I said it, whew, I feel much better! The whole Clay Aiken schtick had me hiding under my blanket, I mean, REALLY uncomfortable. I truly can't believe he agreed to do it. And what was with Toni Braxton? She is one of my favorite voices, but last night was just plain weird. Was her mic not working? What was she singing? WAS she singing? She was using Taylor for her pole dance and his parents looked about to puke at the end of it. Truly embarassing. If she was trying to revive her career, she just lost my money.
The true highlights were Carrie U., Mary J., and Prince. Carrie was FLAWLESS. She has improved markably since last season; I just loved it! Mary J. has become one of my favorites since I heard some of her latest album- genius! And what can I say... Prince just blows me away! I was entertained from the moment he stepped on to the moment he stepped off. %2

A trip to Frederick Meijer Gardens

SO sorry for the lapse in posting! The week after Ava's birthday was just hard, so hence, no posting. The week after that our modem was on the fritz, alas, no new posts... And recently, well, what can I say... I'm just totally lazy. So, like I said, sorry!
This afternoon we took a trip to the local Botanical Gardens and Sculpture Park. Some good friends of ours from church were generous enough to buy our family a year's pass for our whole family. What a treat! We had a few hours to kill, so we grabbed the camera and some sweatshirts (MAN was it cold!), and off we went.
They have a pretty amazing children's garden that the kids get a real kick out of (and the adults too). The sculpture park is awe inspiring and it's always fun walking through the inside desert. Really, it was just like a mini vacation and a great time of bonding for our little family. Jason had WAY too much fun (see pictures..) I've also attached a pic of Elijah's two front teeth that are no more. He has this little lisp that just breaks my heart. What a doll.
I'll also mention a bit of news that sis-in-law Kelley was asking me to post. As of July 1st we will be going part time (66%- who comes up with these weird numbers??). So obviously, we will be needing more cash flow. What do do? We haven't found anything for the summer/fall/winter. Please pray we find something viable that won't be a detriment to our family time which is already time challenged. The good news is Jay has some pretty amazing opportunities for the long range. He had a meeting last week with the acquisitions director of Zondervan about writing a book. What you say? Yes, tis true. My little man is a closet genius. The whole thing is pretty crazy and we're not yet sure of all the details but no matter what, he has a pretty big foot in the door and some amazing ideas for the book. He has also been spending quite a bit of time with the Vermilya's (John and Darcy) up in Buckley (Bucktucky!) Michigan. This has lead to an opportunity to join Kingdom Buildings line-up of itinerant speakers. He will take quite a bit of time and training, but it looks like something that could be a dream come true for him. Continue to pray that we would know God's will and continue to seek Him for our decisions in all that lies ahead. We'll keep you posted (or at least I'll try....)Sculpture fountain.
Inside the gardens.
The log cabin.
Jay and Holly
Emmy inside the children's door.

A SERIOUSLY ornery husband....